Posts tagged gop
Bizarro Futures of GOP Presidential Candidates (Or What GOP Presidential Candidates Will Be Doing in Six Months)
Tim Pawlenty: Motivational Speaker (who isn’t good at motivating or speaking), fair-weather Twins fan and full time consultant for Sonic.
Michele Bachmann: Backbench Congresswoman from Minnesota, advocate of Christianity, adoptions and ATT&T unlimited data plan for texts to and from God.
Newt Gingrich: New York Times bestseller and, despite no daylight separating policy prescriptions or wold view, continues to be scrooge of RedState.com.
Ron Paul: Statler’s stand in.
Rick Santorum: Hangs around Iowa diners still introducing himself as something other than this.
Mitt Romney: Still running for president, but is now in favor of financial regulation, health care for poor people, limiting carbon emissions and balancing budget deficits on the backs of corporations, as well as haves and have-nots alike.
Jon Huntsman: Rides motorcycles around Utah and promotes Cap and Trade policies en route to sustained belief in science and 70s rock and roll. Never sees Broadway smash “Book of Mormon,” but by Jan. 21 2012, Hunstman will assume the Romney mantle. He’ll begin campaigning for GOPers in 2014 midterms as a dress rehearsal for his White House victory two years later besting New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo.
Herman Cain: Promoted to Junior Vice President at Koch Industries, Inc. full time, but also moonlights as an a cappella singer for Americans for Prosperity and Papa Johns.
Rick Perry (not pictured): Is either still running for president or wins Austin Republican Club team cattle penning championship en route to his fourth win as Texas governor.
The closest thing to a Tim Pawlenty endorsement is whomever Nick Ayers goes to work for next.
Ayers is a polished political operative who helmed the Republican Governors Association as it cleaned up the 2010 elections. Florida, Iowa, Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, Maine, Pennsylvania, New Mexico, and Nevada have, for better or worse, GOP governors courtesy of Ayers’s work.
So with Ayers’ boss Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty dropping out of the GOP primaries, look out for Ayers’ next gig. My guess is either a nice long beach vacation or a gig with Rick Perry, the current chairman of the Republican Governors Association.
Hey look! GOP candidates don’t change either.
This inspired me. From the WSJ:
Republican presidential contenders traveling to Iowa for Saturday’s Ames Straw Poll have gone to great lengths to woo former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, a favorite among Christian conservatives and winner of the Iowa caucuses in 2008.
Mike Huckabee is busy this weekend. He’s playing bass in a back up band with gigs at the campaign tents of three GOP presidential candidates.
The trend in GOP candidates to pursue Huckabee highlights how similar this Republican nominating circus is to the one that left town with Barack Obama’s ascent in 2008.
Texas Gov. Rick Perry is a presidential candidate, a big deal because he has money and is conceivably electable. He’s Mitt Romney’s 2008 doppelgänger.
Michele Bachmann is a radical religious conservative the likes of which are unprecedented in American history. In other words, she out-Huckabeed Gov. Mike Huckabee.
Despite their slugfest, 2012 candidate Mitt Romney is 2008 candidate John McCain and the Old Guard Establishment candidate. They both play unfavorably in Iowa and are counting on New Hampshire to revive standing in the election horse race echo chamber.
Something to think about during and after the Ames straw poll, and the officials starting gun for the GOP traveling circus.